I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
