I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
