I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
