i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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