i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
