She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
