And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
