there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
