can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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