Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
