I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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