it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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