bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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