dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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