he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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