Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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