I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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