I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
