I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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