I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
