No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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