Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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