Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
