Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
