We're facebook friends in real life
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
