Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
