Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
