I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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