my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize