it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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