shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
