Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
