Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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