My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
