she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
