just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
