So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
