I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
