Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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