I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
