we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize