Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
