so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize