The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
