I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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