discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So many bounce houses so little time
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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