somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
