Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
