so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
