You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize