And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
