He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
