Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
