i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
His nipple licking is glorious
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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