Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
