That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
