Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dignity is for republicans.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's rum buckets o'clock
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
