Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
