I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
