I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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