South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
