I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
