Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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