I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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