so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
