her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
