So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
