Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
