I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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