Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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