her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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