I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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