we made out on top of his cat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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