I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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